Tag Archives: resilience

Human Magnificence

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Piney Lakes Reserve, Murdoch, Western Australia.

At one point during the outdoor journalling workshop I conducted last Sunday, we explored the different nuances of thought that cross our minds, in particular drawing attention to the ones that ‘click’ and feel right. One participant described them as ‘karmic’, i.e. they come with a feeling of ‘already known’ – as if they were part of us.

A magnificent tree stood nearby. I often use trees as analogies in my counselling work. The grandeur of this tree originated in a small seed. Life flowing through that seed, enabled all of it to unfold. It is the same with human beings except that we are endowed with unique capabilities that provide additional powers of survival.

The first of these capabilities is Thought. It flows through us manifesting as language and images and accompanied by bodily experience. We can know the quality of thought in our mind by the feeling we are experiencing. The health of a tree is dependent on the ground and environment in which it lands. With the right mixture of nutrients, light, water, air, etc., the alchemy that comes from the interaction between the life force, the DNA of the seed and its surrounds brings about its healthiest possible flourishing. The life force can only do the best with what it has. Poor DNA, poor environment or disease, and the resultant tree is a poorer version of its potential.

Thought capability enables human beings to rise above their environments, external and internal. Thought is like the artist’s brushstroke. We can learn to use it better. We can become aware of its neverending availability, of which thoughts we ‘velcro’ and which ones we ‘teflon’, of how it creates our experiences, of the continuum it roams, of which thoughts hinder and which ones help. Thoughts flow to us, through us and beyond us, all the time. Deliberate effort is not required to have a thought. We don’t have to know the answer to something before an answer comes. Thought will always offer something up that is unique to us and the moment. We are always following it – unconsciously for the most part. Thought is behind every feeling we have and every action we take.

We can’t be aware of the thoughts crossing our mind without the capability of Consciousness. We can be aware of the thinking we are doing in the moment, we can be conscious of whether we are ‘in’ our heads (and disconnected from the present moment), or fully engaged in what is before us. We can know what our body is experiencing in the moment and therefore what is ‘tainting’ our minds. Consciousness is a huge gift. Animals do not have the breadth and depth of awareness that human beings possess. They can’t independently ‘send’ their awareness back and forth in time, or turn it inwards, or outwards into the experience of another (without getting caught up in the other’s experience). We can direct our attention and what we are conscious of in the moment, at will.

Thankfully, Free Will is also wired into human beings. I suspect it is the natural interaction between consciousness and thought, but in the early stages of changing cognitive habits, we can deliberately make choices, even if they feel uncomfortable and ‘alien’. We have the ability to be conscious of the thoughts on our mind and their effects on our bodies and lives. We also have the ability to choose which thoughts to stay engaged with, which ones to pass us by, which ones to act on, which ones to not. We are not designed to be passive consumers of our thoughts (although systems would have us believe so). We have agency. Wake up (become conscious), notice and choose.

A deeper capability wired into human evolution is intelligence, or Wisdom. I am not referring to that which is learned via instruction or formal education. I am referring to a quality of thought that appears in between our habitual ‘busyness’, worry, overhwelm, anger, low moods, etc. These thoughts are new, fresh, and helpful. They come with a feeling of ‘stability’ and ‘rightness’ to them. We experience them when something forgotten is remembered, when we say something deeper and previously unexpressed, and when we have an insight or ‘aha’ moment. They have clarity. They are the quiet voice that says its time to move on from a job or relationship, and the same quiet voice that keeps circling, whispering directions and projects that beckon.

When we don’t heed the quiet whisperings of Wisdom, or celebrate its insights, or turn towards moments in which something ‘touches’ us and mine the ‘diamonds’ of wisdom that sit below, we become like the trees rooted in saline soil. We wither. Evolution endowed human beings with unique capabilities needed to survive and flourish through adversity, both personal and collective. Journalling, guided by an understanding of the unique capabilities built into our evolutionary endowment, can provide a pathway for making what is unconscious, conscious, and living more in alignment with what we need to successfully navigate an increasingly pressing game of life. It doesn’t make sense that such a sophisticated animal such as the human being has evolved without the capabilities needed to further evolution. We are not dinosaurs, victim to whatever befalls us. Evolution has ensured we are a long way ahead of the capabilities they were endowed with. Wake up to your unique capabilities and ‘milk’ them.

Disentangling

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In the world of personal growth, there are ‘many roads to Rome’. My particular pathway to liberation of the self and greater authenticity is journalling. The practice supported me to successfully navigate the dismantling of an emotionally unhealthy relationship and create a wonderful life. It is where I go to process parenting issues or questions about the direction of my work. It is also where I go to record insights as they come, observations about how our inner world works, and moments of intense gratefulness for the gift of being alive.

Over the years I have learned a lot from journalling. I have learned which thoughts to follow, and which ones to allow to float on by – another one always enters. I have learned to trust the feelings of my body and what they are telling me. I have learned to sense whether I am speaking from memory irrelevant to the moment or speaking from deeper wisdom within. I have learned to respect and trust my intelligence. I have learned that tension reflects a person’s ability to hear or not. I have learned to listen for conversations open to engagement and to speak when moved. I have also learned to not speak when learned habits from the past dictate that I should. I have learned to create healthy boundaries and to stay out of other people’s psychological entanglements unless they ask for help. I have learned to trust life instead of fear it.

When I work with clients I take note of the psychological entanglements some people get caught up in when speaking. Conversation patterns generated in families of origin, reflective of class, or created in response to trauma, are revealed. Some people have unconsciously learned to avoid the knowledge and wisdom accumulated through experience. These people have a ‘teflon’ relationship to their inner truth and the way they answer questions reveals this. Whilst others consciously reflect and speak from the accumulated knowledge and wisdom within. When someone speaks ‘with substance’ I can hear and feel the truth of it. When someone responds with a ‘teflon’ response it is as if they begin to move in the direction of what they know but at the last minute slide away. Somewhere they have learned to be afraid of what they know.

‘What activities do you like to do that make you feel good?’ -|-> (Authentic) ‘Snorkelling, I love the feeling of mystery when I am underwater and I never know what fish will be around on the day.’ .|C> (Teflon) ‘I don’t know, I don’t enjoy anything.’ On attempting a different pathway in, a childhood memory comes to mind which then leads to a surprising recall of something they enjoy doing as an adult.

‘What do you want to do about the marriage?’ -|-> (Authentic) ‘I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. It’s time to move forward.’ .|C> (Teflon) ‘He says he wants to change and make the marriage work but then he says its my fault because I never agree to what he wants to do.’ In this response, a speaker’s attention has been diverted to the words of their partner instead of their own.

‘Wow, you must be feeling really sad.’ -|-> (Authentic) ‘Yes, she has been my constant companion for over 20 years. I will miss her a lot.’ .|C> (Teflon) ‘No, I will be fine.’ As tears are swiped away.

Each of these ‘teflon’ responses reflects the activity of thoughts learned in the past entangling and contaminating present moment authenticity, wisdom and experience. In any moment we are either experiencing the truest expression of ourselves or it is contaminated by something we have learned, in the past, to think.

Many women have been conditioned to think of themselves as not the decision makers, as not intelligent and therefore not the person in charge, and as caring for things that are unimportant to society. All of this is not true. Society, families, relationships, and selves, need the voices from the depths of our truth. Journalling is one way to familiarise ourselves with the timbre and feel of that voice and to know when it has become entangled with beliefs and thoughts created in the past and innocently carried forward contaminating the present moment experience.

If you are interested in learning and experiencing how journalling can support you to become aware of the deeper, secure self that exists within everyone so that you can be in the world with greater confidence and faith in yourself, I am running a series of introductory workshops, in person and on line, over the coming months. All workshops will be posted on my facebook page https://www.facebook.com/GeorginaMavor.