When we think of learning, what comes to mind? Babies learning to walk, children at school, learning to drive, learning on the job, and learning at university. In these contexts – early childhood, new skills and educational environments – it is easy to identify that learning is taking place. But what about the learning demanded of us when we become new parents? Or learning how to be in relationship? Or the learning required at the tail end of life?

Because the need to learn never ceases – not until our final breath. The older adults I work with in residential care are learning to live in an alien environment; they are learning to live with bodies that lose functioning every day; many are learning to live with impoverished family connections; they are learning to allow strangers to support them; and they are learning to die.

As with all learning, some do it with grace, whilst others struggle. Some only see the loss, and become frightened. Whilst others accept, and see the opportunity for learning about their deeper selves; about the people around them; about relating; about life … and death; and enjoy the final ride.

When our old people in residential care are whining about their medical woes, or their lives, remember two things. (a) They are attempting ‘personhood’ in the best way they know how. By talking about what they know but from within the diminished context in which they now live. Everyone outside residential care has the breadth of life in which to engage, and discourse. They have functional bodies that move in varied contexts, with varied people, with varied purpose. In outside contexts, it is easier to have something to say that others will find interesting and engage with. And, (b) They don’t realise they are learning. In time, if their social circles and engagement with activities increases, their narratives will change. If not, their narratives and vitality will diminish. And if open to learning, what they understand and think will find a depth incomprehensible to those busy with life.

Our older people are learning, and transitioning into residential aged care demands it even more. Validate the learning they are doing. Talk about earlier times in which they valiantly met similar challenges. Talk about what they are noticing in themselves. Get curious about what it is like. Harness their learning. Adjusting (learning) requires that we allow new experiences, people and understanding in. Recognise the inner being learning to adjust to different physical, social, familial, personal and spiritual circumstances. Listen and affirm their efforts. Champion the hero/ine within and help them to flourish as their bodies and lives diminish.