Category Archives: psychology

Listen and Live

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Ageing is niggling in the back of my mind. My body is changing, I am dreaming of leaves in which the chlorophyll has turned yellow, and in a moment of clarity, I woke up and knew I could just as easily die from an unexpected heart attack now as I could from dementia twenty years down the track. Nothing should be taken for granted.

The deeper nuggets of wisdom in the niggle arose out of the realization about the timing of my death. Is my Will up to date? Maybe now is the time to get around to working through an advanced care plan? I need to ensure my meagre assets aren’t devoured by hefty admin costs and I need to ensure I have a say about what happens to me should an unexpected downturn assault my body.

Ageing and death naturally surface in human consciousness as time goes on. As with any other time in life, we can easily get caught up in fearful thinking – and miss the wisdom that sits in the niggle. Many adults plan for retirement – probably because someone makes money out of it and dollars are invested into advertising. Media promotion however creates an expectation of what these periods in our lives should look like and they miss the non monetary forms that many elect. When people listen to the niggles in the back of their mind, a broader range of options resonate.

When it comes to frailty and dying, the two biggest service providers are Residential Aged Care and Funeral Services. Options are appearing on the horizon for lower cost and different form funeral services, eg. Tender Funerals. Advanced Care Planning provides a framework to consider living arrangements when frail, and the timing of a good death rather than a long depersonalized one.

So I listen to the niggle and book an appointment to review my Will. I also dedicate a day to work through the excellent resources available for Advanced Care Planning and Directives. This is inner work, using the questions raised to explore my values, to imagine different scenarios and to influence choices down the track when I may not have the faculties to do so.

Whilst I incorporate the wisdom of the niggles into my tasks, I continue to live what is present. I keep up with my home based exercise regime and walking; I eat healthy, home cooked meals; I work, I laugh, and I care. I enjoy all the the nuances of my life, including this little fella.

A wild bird feeder began as a ‘nice idea’. What I didn’t realise is that they tell their friends and before I knew it, I had flocks fighting in my front yard. Three birds emerged as needing help. Being a clean bird by nature, filth reflects poor health. This one is the healthiest looking of the three. With eyes like dark empty sockets, one looks like Uncle Festus from The Adams Family. Its beak is broken and its feathers are falling out. The other is covered in red dust with mauled tail feathers. I enjoy the slowing down and being present they require in my day.

Listen to the wisdom in the niggles in the back of your mind, continue to live your life, and enjoy its contents. If we get caught up in the fearful thinking that can surface, not only do we not do what’s needed to enable a good end of life, we miss out on all the living in between.

Beliefs Have A ‘Use By’ Date

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At the time of writing this post, it is Australia Day. In years gone by, cars could be seen laden with Australian flags; dwellings acquired flagpoles; t-shirts were emblazoned with red, white and blue; and crowd faces looked like the set of Braveheart movie. Festivals were created, bands played, people drank (a lot) and fireworks lit up the sky.

Not so this year. Not one car with a flag sighted locally. Not one painted face. Much less merchandise. Australia Day celebrations silenced.

Not too long ago, voices of dissent to our entrenched interpretation of the day could be heard and different festivals emerged – ones grounded in truth telling about the invasion that usurped the traditional cultures and roles of our indigenous peoples. It soon became clear that the thinking and beliefs that framed our behaviours on 26 January had reached their ‘use by’ date. They no longer served the nation we wish to be.

The same process of change occurs in all of us – if we pay attention. Just as the beliefs underpinning Australia Day were a ‘narrow slice’ on the bigger picture, so too are the beliefs we create in our formative years about ourselves, our potentials, our abilities, our values …. the list goes on. They serve us for a while, but with time, discontent niggles within – a more mature voice wishes to be heard. If we pay attention, change can be peaceful. If not, the limits of our beliefs break and an eruption occurs. Relationships become untenable, health problems erupt, work loses its pizzazz, or we don’t like what we see in the mirror. The tiny, narrow, slivers of understanding we formed in times long gone by about the amazing power of life pulsating through everything, including ourselves, are revealed for the schtick they are.

Australian’s are embracing a different, fuller, more accurate perspective on their national day. Not everyone at the same time, but it is happening. The same occurs with our understanding of ourselves. If we slow down and listen to the niggles, exploring their content, accuracy and relevance to our current contexts, we can wake up to the expiry of the ‘use by’ date of the beliefs that drive us behind the scenes, and be open to what comes next. For change comes from within. The new thoughts that are emerging for our celebrations of this nation come from within individuals, and like a ripple effect, increasingly resonate with those who are open to listening. Deep within, we are all ‘truth seekers’ and in our own lives, the voice of fresh truth also resonates – if we listen.

Change is wired in to the flow of life, including through ourselves. Fresh thought in the form of impulses or words powers every tendril of innovation, creativity and evolution. Downfalls occur when that ‘nudge’ is ignored.

Have you listened to the niggles in the back of your mind? Do you give yourself permission to sit down and explore them through a journal? What fears get in the way? What unfounded fears about your Self sit below them? What changes would you be liberated to embrace and manifest if, like a 2021 bottle of sweet chilli sauce, you threw your beliefs that have passed their expiry date in the bin!