Mel Robbins, in her recent book ‘The Let Them Theory’ offers a simple but powerful mechanism for reregulating discombobulated brains and redirecting our attention so that we more fully access the brain’s power, increasing awareness, self worth and agency.

In a nutshell, when you find your mind occupied by something troubling, simply say “Let Them/It/Her/Him, etc” and turn to ‘Let Me’.

When our minds are occupied by troubled thoughts, an habitual neural circuit is in play.  It is an internalised habitual ‘script’ like the ones parents use to develop habits in their children, eg. ‘clean your teeth’, ‘pick up your clothes’, and ‘wash your hands’.  Those scripts must become embedded (habitual) for behaviour to become a habit.

The process is testament to the amazing unconscious learning mechanisms of the brain. The brain doesn’t distinguish between habits we wish to develop and those we don’t (that’s the role of awareness), and nor does it distinguish between internal behaviours and external ones. For the brain, all activity occurring in its operational centre is ‘live’ data.

‘Let Them’ is a powerful script. It erases all the ‘victim’ type thinking that usually sits under our troubled thinking. It is a circuit breaker (but may require a few repeats), re-regulating a stressed brain. It creates space – which we can then use to explore ‘Let Me’.

I recently used the approach to explore a past experience that has tended to revisit. I felt the power in the words ‘Let Them’ (in this case to walk away) and, picking up pen and journal, embarked upon writing to explore what sat underneath the words ‘Let Me’.

We can’t know what the ‘Me’ part needs to take responsibility for unless we explore it. Writing or talking are the most fruitful portals for this work. Anxiety, depression, and neuroplastic symptoms created from troubled minds are indicators that we are not responding to issues in our life with agency and power. Through early learning experiences, people develop inaccurate beliefs about these human qualities. We innocently learn to think ‘untruths’ about ourselves and get stuck in spirals of angst created via these untruths sitting below consciousness but manifesting nevertheless. ‘Let them’ breaks the circuitry, calming the amygdala and opens up space for us to explore the vast repertoire of wisdom our brains have gathered and stored – also out of sight.

Use your journal to explore the ‘Let Me’ element. What emerges will be different for everyone. What emerged in my exploration revealed deeper truths about my thinking and naïve processes for encircling myself with people who nourish me deeply. It revealed ‘blunted’ thinking I had internalised about myself and how this played out. It revealed an ignorance of the wisdom I had gathered through all my earlier experiences. That wisdom had been filed away, I just hadn’t accessed it.

Experiment with journal writing into the ‘Let Me’ aspect of Mel Robbins’s theory. But don’t lash yourself if the process feels messy. It’s new. Keep trying and if you need guidance or more structure, call to make an appointment.